Posted by: leslieellissing | September 14, 2009

I Wonder As I Wander

The Summer has come to an end but it feels like so much more than just the beginning of Fall and the end of the dog days.

Over the past few months I have been working on so many multilevel projects, I have almost lost track of what detail or what vendor is for which project. I have hacked away daily at the obstacles, disappointments and growing actuals – why do we even bother making budgets? But I’ve almost completed all the projects: new CD, new video, new t-shirts, new website, 2 blogs and each of these has taken intense focus and energy.

At the same time there have been many beginnings and endings: New songs have been written and new co-writers have entered my life; 2 babies have been born; we lost some friends and we’ve seen one ravaged by drugs; Aceman is out of the woods (that’s a miracle right there); I started a book idea, ended a friendship that was eating away at me, spent healing time with my family and watched with a heavy heart as my brother left with my magnifi-kids for a year in Rome – all of this over the summer.

I feel weary and reflective at a time when I should be ramping up for the next phase. My problem is I don’t have a clear sense of what that will involve or what is right around the corner.

And so I wonder as I seemingly wander – Christmas letdown from the flurry of activity and a sense of insecurity about what I’m about to face. If there was ever a time to surrender, it’s now.

This always happens to me, though. I think of it as the”calm before the storm” or the “making way for the new” where I quietly mourn the loss of all things familiar and once again prepare to blindly move through new terrain, unsure of what to expect. I clean out the old thoughts, attachments and habits to make way for the new energy I have been whipping up to move in and sweep me off my feet. Interesting that it should happen at the most dramatic time of new beginnings.

Goodbye dog dayz. Welcome Autumn.

L

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Responses

  1. I guess bittersweet is autumn’s middle name. Hope it ends with a lot of good new things and happy holidays.


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